My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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