I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
