I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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