I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
