my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
