So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
