If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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