i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
