I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
