I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
