So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
