that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
