That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
