Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
