I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
