You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
