You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
