I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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