my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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