Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize