When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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