there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
