Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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