cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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