i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
