I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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