Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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