What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i came on her dog
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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