the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
