AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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