Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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