Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
