i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
