You made me cry and you don't even care
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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