I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
