apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
