So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
