They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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