I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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