I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
