so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
