She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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