I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
