Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
