i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
