hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
