Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its about making memories worth repressing
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
