remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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