I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
