my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
