So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
