Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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