Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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