Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am naked and annoyed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
