hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
