i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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