I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
