LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
