note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
