if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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