i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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