U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
