Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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