I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize