i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
