I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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